


Complicated and Other Completely Relevant Songs From Before 2012

by Bennie_Ryan (Amy_Winchester)



Series: The Princess of Deira- Reincarnation Fics [2]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Arthur totally had a crush on Merlin in Camelot, Boys Kissing, F/M, M/M, Mutual Pining, Song Lyrics, Song Parody, Songfic, Technical Memory Loss, but not really, fight me, ish, it goes on for most of the fic, not kidding about the pining guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-12-14 06:27:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11777373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amy_Winchester/pseuds/Bennie_Ryan
Summary: Also could be titled "You're Such A Girl, Merlin"Izzy Raine has known since the King family took her in exactly who she and her foster siblings were. Merlin knows too and so does Arthur. The only problem? Both boys are convinced the other doesn't remember Camelot.





	Complicated and Other Completely Relevant Songs From Before 2012

**Author's Note:**

> I tried really hard to make this a Bennie Ryan incarnation fic, but Bennie's I-give-less-than-half-a-shit attitude just didn't work for the scenario. So Izzy is a mix of Izzy and Bennie here.
> 
> And, yes, Alice, is was totally necessary to make Uther's name Richard purely so Izzy could call him "Dick King"
> 
> Also to note, Elliott is Elyan and Gavin is Gwaine. I think all the other names are fairly obvious.
> 
> Songs in this fic are "I'd Do Anything" by Simple Plan, "Everywhere" by Michelle Branch, and "Just the Girl" by The Click Five

_It's so complicated_

_I'm so frustrated_

_I wanna hold you close_

_I wanna push you away_

_I wanna make you go_

_I wanna make you stay_

_Should I say it_

_Should I tell you how I feel_

_Oh I want you to know_

_But then again I don't_

_It's so complicated_

-“Complicated” by Carolyn Dawn Johnson

* * *

* * *

When Isabel Raine was a child, she dreamed of Camelot.

It was never the Camelot she read of in books, though. Dream Camelot was a much darker place where anyone caught practicing magic was sentenced to death. And Merlin wasn’t an old sorcerer with a long beard,— usually, anyway— he was Arthur’s manservant and no one knew he had magic.

Except for Isabel— or Isabene, as she was known in Dream Camelot. Isabene knew because she had magic that she hid from the general populace as well. Although Arthur and his Knights seemed to be aware of her abilities, they did not know about his.

The dreams did not stop when her family died or when she the Kings took her in. She never told anyone, not even her foster father or siblings, about the dreams either. Mainly because by age eight, Isabel Raine had decided that she knew what they meant. And while being the reincarnation of an Arthurian Princess seemed like a child’s dream, Isabel never stopped believing that was the case.

By age seventeen, the Camelot dreams had begun to occur less and less frequently and Isabel— or Izzy, as she now preferred to be called— began to dream of different times and only one other face. Merlin’s. She was not entirely sure why this was the case, but the only way to find out was to seek out Merlin and Izzy had no desire to go on a manhunt for a warlock who was no doubt very good at staying hidden.

Beyond the occasional nostalgic moment of wishing she could talk to Gwaine, or seeing something on the telly and wondering what Gwen or Lancelot would’ve thought, the idea that she would ever see any of her old friends save Merlin and her foster siblings never crossed Izzy’s mind. At least, not until two years into University when Arthur and Morgan King started at the same school and proceeded to drag her head first into a new circle of friends.

The group originally consisted of herself, Arthur and Morgan, and six others: siblings Gwen and Elliott Smith, Morgan’s current boyfriend Leon Truman, Gwen’s not-quite-boyfriend Lance du Lac, and Lance’s mates Gavin Noble and Percy Stark. It inevitably grew in number when Arthur brought in the performing arts major he ran over in the quad a semester later.

Izzy had yet to look up from her drink when she heard Morgan loudly complain, “Arthur, if you keep bringing strays, we won't let you sit with us anymore.”

“Arthur, it’s Wednesday and you’re not wearing pink. You can’t sit with us,” Gavin said in a high pitched voice from his spot next to Izzy.

She shoved her boyfriend’s arm and looked over to see what poor sod Arthur had dragged to their table. Her breath caught in her throat.

Arthur slung his arm around the pale, and clearly shell shocked, hipster. “Morgan, Gwen, Lance, Izzy, Gavin, Elliott, Leon, and Percy, this is—”

“Emrys,” Izzy choked out.

Everyone, including the hipster, turned to look at her. “You know each other?” Arthur asked. The poor guy mumbled something, slightly panicked.

“Merlin Emrys from primary school, yeah?” Izzy said, giving Merlin an out.

“Y-yeah,” he managed. “Sorry, what was your name?”

“Izzy Raine. How’d you and Arthur meet?”

“We just ran into each other.” Arthur shrugged.

Merlin snorted. “Literally. I won’t be able to get the grass stains out of my scarf.”

The blonde frowned. “I _did_ apologize. And I said I’d buy you a drink, which is why you’re here.”

“So, Merlin,” Morgan said, leaning forward. “You’re in your first year?”

“Second,” he responded, taking the empty seat next to Gwen. “Performing arts major.”

“Well, that answers my next question of how you and Iz haven’t run into each other yet,” Morgan laughed. Izzy made a face at her.

Merlin turned to the freckled girl. “You started last year too?”

She shook her head. “Two years ago.”

“So you’re almost done, then.”

The boys burst into laughter. Izzy elbowed Gavin and threw ice cubes at Lance and Percy. “Izzy Raine done with University?” the former chuckled.

“Iz’s doing concurrent degrees,” Leon explained. “Chemistry and Biology.”

“We’re pretty sure she’s doing it so she’s got an extra year before she has to move back home,” Elliott offered.

“What home?” Izzy grumbled. “I’m well past eighteen now, you think I’m going to willingly go back to live with Arthur, Morgan, and Dick King?”

The boys and Morgan burst into fresh guffaws and Merlin made a strangled sound. “Sorry?”

Arthur glared at her. “Our father, _Richard_ , was kind enough to agree to foster Izzy. She likes to repay him by making fun of his name.”

“One kind choice that he made ten years ago does not make up for the fact that he’s a homophobic douchecanoe,” Izzy said, firmly.

“Still,” Percy said as his snickers subsided. “Concurrent degrees _and_ dating Gavin? It’s a wonder you’re still in one piece.”

Gavin scowled. “Oi! What’s that supposed to mean, mate?” he demanded as the rest of the table, including Merlin, dissolved back into fits of laughter.

Izzy wasn’t remotely surprised at Merlin’s ability to seamlessly fit himself into their group dynamic. He quickly established himself as Izzy, Gavin, and Lance’s best mates and passed both Izzy and Gwen to claim the unofficial title of Arthur’s favorite. Morgan was the only one he didn’t click with. Despite her constant attempts at friendship over the course of the rest of the school year and into the next, he never seemed very comfortable around her.

“I don’t see why you can’t just give her a chance,” Izzy grumbled one night as they were on their way back to the dorms after study session a week before winter vacation. “You keep watching her like she’s going to stab one of us. You’d think she’d have done it by now.”

“I have my reasons,” Merlin replied shortly.

“Well, your reasons are stupid,” Izzy shot back. “You’re just bitter that you were expecting her to be an evil bitch of a half-sister and that’s not what you got. Things are different now, Merlin. She may look it, but Morgan’s not Morgana. Whatever the sorceress did in Camelot has no bearing on Morgan King. Clean slate, new person.” It took her a moment to realize that Merlin wasn’t at her side anymore.

He had frozen in his tracks a few paces back and was gaping at her, open mouthed.

Izzy frowned. “What?”

“You… remember?”

She scowled. “Of _course_ I remember, you muppet. I’ve known since I was eight years old. Is there a reason I shouldn’t?”

“You never did before.”

She rolled her eyes. “In case you failed to notice, Merlin, this time’s a bit different.”

“Do you think _he_ remembers?” Merlin asked, urgently.

“Arthur? No. We’d know by now if he did.”

In hindsight, it might not have been the best thing to say.

Not two weeks later, Izzy was staying in her dorm while Morgan and Arthur had gone home for the holidays. It was Christmas Eve and her flatmates had other plans, so Izzy was alone in the kitchen when she heard the knock on the front door.

She opened the door to a very wet, blonde college student on the verge of a panic attack. “Arthur, what the hell are you doing here?”

“I didn’t know where else to go.”

“How about home? It’s Christmas Eve!” Izzy said ushering him inside and going for her cell phone. “Morgan must be freaking out—”

Arthur grabbed her arm. “Don’t call her!” he practically shouted. “Please, don’t tell her where I am.”

Izzy slowly put her phone down on the counter. “Alright, I won’t. What’s going on, Arthur?”

He took a shaky breath, but didn’t answer. Izzy went to make a pot of tea and was pouring two cups when Arthur asked in a voice so soft she was half sure she heard him wrong, “What do you know about Camelot?”

Izzy nearly spilled the tea. “Camelot?” she repeated, forcing her voice and hands to stay steady as she put the pot down and brought Arthur his tea.

“As in Arthurian legends. You know, the Knights of the Round Table? King Arthur and Guinevere? Merlin, Morgan Le Fay, and—”

“Morgana,” Izzy corrected out of habit, then paled when she realized how he’d take the correction.

“You’re getting them too, then?” Arthur asked, eagerly. “The visions?”

Izzy sighed. There was really no point in lying. “I get dreams. I’ve been having them for years. My whole life.”

“So you knew? All of us, everyone, you know who they were when I introduced you?”

“Yes.”

Arthur thought about that and snorted. “That explains why you were so keen on Gavin. You and Gwaine.”

Izzy decided to ignore the comment. “Arthur, if you remember Camelot, why come here?” she asked. “Why not go to Merlin?”

Was it her imagination, or was Arthur _blushing_? “I… a few reasons.”

“Like what?”

“Well, he doesn’t remember, for one.”

Izzy choked on her tea. “Y-you don’t think Merlin knows?”

“He can’t. Why would he want anything to do with me if he did?”

She stared at him. “Did someone muck around with your memory while you were in Avalon? You were practically best mates then too.”

Arthur scoffed. “The way I treated him? Some friend I was.”

“He was your manservant,” Izzy reminded him. “Just because you’re looking at it with twenty first century morals now, doesn’t make it any less normal for the time.” She thought for a moment before amending, “Well, not exactly _normal_. But normal enough.”

“And that’s another thing,” Arthur said. “The entire court treated Merlin like he was my _mistress_.”

“It really took you dying and coming back to life to notice?” Izzy raised an eyebrow. “Arthur, _you_ treated Merlin like your mistress. For all intents and purposes, I suppose he was. You know, minus the sex part. Not that anyone in Camelot knew that the sex wasn’t happening.”

Arthur blinked. “Wait, what?”

“The entire Kingdom thought you were screwing your manservant, me included. I only know it’s not true _now_ because Merlin told me a couple of weeks after the Battle of Camalann.”

“Why would anyone think that?” Arthur demanded.

“The real question is why wouldn’t they.” Izzy said thoughtfully, ticking examples off on her fingers. “Merlin spent the whole night sitting on a cold stone floor waiting for you to mourn your father while your girlfriend was who knows where. He used magic to pull your pants off and then offered to help by basically tackling you to the floor in front of the whole council, none of whom were even slightly phased by this. You gave him your mother’s sigil. Being shirtless or pantsless around Merlin didn’t phase you, but god forbid you be remotely undressed around me or Gwen, your _future wife_. You could’ve had the perfect servant but you kept Merlin, who you constantly called incompetent and disrespectful, and your excuse was that George had a bad sense of humour and was boring. Not to mention the jealousy that ensued if either of you showed the slightest interest in anyone else of the same sex.”

He spluttered in protest, “Well that was all later on!”

Izzy smirked. “Merlin knowingly drank from the poisoned chalice to save your life and you disobeyed your father, _the King of Camelot_ , to go on a suicide mission to get the cure for him. That was how long after you met him? A few weeks? A month?”

“I… well…”

“Face it, Arthur. It’s not like anyone important would’ve had a problem with it. The knights all shipped it. I shipped it. The massive douchewad of a dragon who never shut up about your and Merlin’s wonderfully gay destiny and how I couldn’t ever let anyone come between you definitely shipped it.”

“What dragon?”

“Nevermind. But back to the point, even if he doesn’t remember, why not _make_ him remember? I’m sure you’d be able to do that.”

There was no doubt about it, Arthur was _definitely_ blushing. “Well… I mean…”

Izzy narrowed her eyes. “Arthur Pendragon, are you _crushing_ on Merlin?”

“No!” he protested. “I mean, I was _before_ I remembered, and then there were residual… feelings from back then and it all got very confusing.”

“I can imagine,” Izzy snorted. “You were married to Gwen. Though going from bi to gay probably isn't as weird as straight to gay. And don't try claiming heterosexuality, Arthur Pendragon,” she added when Arthur opened his mouth to argue. “If you didn't have _at least_ a subconscious bisexual crush on Merlin back then, I'm a griffon.”

Arthur scowled. “What’s your point?”

“My point, _Ar_ thur,” she said, mimicking how he would emphasize Merlin’s name. “Is that Merlin had a completely _conscious_ bisexual crush on you and so, if he doesn’t remember, you’re going to make sure he does.”

He sighed, exasperated. “Iz…”

“Nope! You came to me with these memories, Arthur, and this is what I’m telling you to do. It’ll be just like old times! But if Merlin is the new Gwen, I’ll have to get Gwen to be the new Merlin. Ooh, or Morgan, she’d love this.”

“No!” Arthur’s voice shot dangerously close to a shout again, “No telling Morgan!”

It was Izzy’s turn to scowl. “For Christ’s sake, Arthur, she’s just _Morgan_. Unless I missed something huge, she’s not trying to kill you or anyone. Except maybe her exes, but we both want them dead too.”

“If both you and I are the same as we were…” Arthur shook his head. “She’s just as she was before—”

“We betrayed her and pushed her into the open and waiting arms of Morgause,” Izzy cut him off.

“ _We_ betrayed her? Morgana turned her back on _us_ ,” he argued.

“She had a reason to do so,” she told him, voice dark. “But that’s not the point. This life is supposed to be a second chance, Arthur. For everyone. That includes Morgan.”

Arthur sighed. “So what do we do, then?”

Izzy stood up. “We go back to school and don’t let on that anything’s changed. By the time second semester starts, I’ll have come up with some harebrained scheme to hook you and Merlin up. For now, you _go home_ and spend Christmas with your actual family.”

He stood and headed for the door.

“Oh, Arthur, one last thing.”

Arthur turned around and was met with a bear hug from Izzy. He wrapped his arms around her, trying to ignore the desperate way she was clinging to him. “What’s this for?”

“I’m just really glad to finally have all of my brother back,” she murmured.

By the time they got back to school, Izzy had no idea how to set up her best friend and her foster brother.

It was April by the time she had any clue what to do.

Since the beginning of second semester, Merlin had provided the entertainment at the Rising Sun— and wasn’t that the best name for the pub closest to campus, considering their friend group?— by going up and singing. Izzy knew this was how Merlin had decided to cope with the fact he had convinced himself that Arthur still hadn’t remembered. All the songs he sang were popular prior to 2011, but he and mucked around with the lyrics a bit. It was very clear, to Izzy at least, that the songs were continual comments on his current relationship with Arthur. She could track the progression of their new friendship through the order of the songs he chose.

Everyone, including Arthur, was there the night Merlin sang his rendition of 'I’d Do Anything' by Simple Plan.

 

 

> “ _Another day had gone by. I was thinking about you all the time. How’re you right here, but I'm still waiting? And I wrote this letter in my head ‘cause so many things were left unsaid. But now you're here and I can't think straight. This could be my one last chance to make you understand..._
> 
> “ _I'd do anything just to hold you in my arms. To try to make you laugh, ‘cause somehow I can't put you in the past. I'd do anything just to see you one more time. Won’t you remember me? ‘Cause I know I can’t forget you._
> 
> “ _Together we’d break all the rules. Dreaming of dropping out of school; to leave this place and never come back. So maybe now, after all these years, if you miss me have no fear. I'm right here and I'm still waiting. This could be my one last chance to make you understand that I just can't let you leave me once again..._
> 
> “ _I'd do anything just to hold you in my arms. To try to make you laugh ‘cause somehow I can't put you in the past. I'd do anything just to see you one more time. Won’t you remember me? ‘Cause I know I can’t forget you._
> 
> “ _I close my eyes and all I see is you. I close my eyes, I try to sleep, I can't forget you. Nanana, nanana, and I'd do anything for you. Nanana, nananana. I'd do anything just to hold you in my arms. To try to make you laugh ‘cause somehow I can't put you in the past. I'd do anything just to see you one more time. To see you one more time_
> 
> “ _I'd do anything to see you one more time. I'd do anything, there's nothing I won't do. I'd do anything to see you one more time. I'd do anything ‘cause I know I can’t forget you._ ”

 

“Why does he never sing the right words?” Arthur wondered as we split off from the rest of the group, our dorms on the opposite side of campus.

“I guess these words are more meaningful to him.” Izzy shrugged. “Isn’t that what he always rants about. Words and their meanings?”

Arthur was staring at the rest of the group walking in the other direction. “It almost sounds like he remembers when he sings, don’t you think?”

Izzy thought that both of them were being morons and that they should just snog and get all the pain and sexual tension over with, but she wasn’t going to tell Arthur that. “Maybe music is what will jog his memory.” She stopped walking.

Arthur noticed and looked at her worriedly. “Iz?”

“That’s it, that’s the hairbrained scheme,” Izzy said with a grin. “We’ve got to get you that mic so you can do a parody like that.”

“What’s that going to accomplish? Besides, I don’t know any of the songs he sings,” Arthur said.

“That’s why you’ve got me.” Izzy grabbed his wrist and pulled him back to her dorm. “We’ve got to get writing.”

Of course, the plan wasn’t put in motion until a few weeks later when Merlin was getting over loosing his voice. Izzy talked to the owner of the Rising Sun and Arthur found himself in Merlin’s usual spot with the rest of their friends there to watch.

Understandably, all were confused when the music started playing.

“Hasn’t Merlin done this song before?” Elliott asked.

Izzy nodded. “He did an acoustic version. Arthur’s not very familiar with the music era, I we figured it would be best to choose a song he’s heard before.”

 

 

> “ _Turn it inside out so I can see the part of you that's drifting back to me. And when I woke you were never there, but when I slept you were everywhere. You're everywhere. I don’t know how I got this far. Please tell me why you're here and who you are. 'Cause every time I looked you weren’t ever there, but every time I slept you were always there._
> 
> “' _Cause you're everywhere to me, and when I close my eyes it's you I see. You're everything I know that makes me believe I'm not alone. You’re not alone._
> 
> “ _I recognize the way you make me feel. I’m starting to think that you might not be real. I sense it too, the water's getting deep, trying to wash the pain away from me. Away from me._
> 
> “ _'Cause you're everywhere to me, and when I close my eyes it's you I see. You're everything I know that makes me believe I'm not alone. You’re not alone, won’t be alone. Whoa, oh, oooh, oh._
> 
> “ _Just let me touch your hand, I’ll make you understand the beauty that's within. It's now that we begin. You’ve always lit my way, there will never come a day that no matter where I go I won’t feel you so._
> 
> “ _'Cause you're everywhere to me, and when I close my eyes it's still you I see. You're everything I know that helps me to see I'm not alone. You are everything to me. I try to catch my breath and it's you I breathe. You're the only one I know that helps me to see I'm not alone._
> 
> “ _You are everyone I see. So tell me do you see me?_ ”

 

Izzy smirked at the way Merlin was frowning at the man on stage. Her smirk was wiped right off when Arthur cleared his throat and announced that he had another song to sing. Merlin turned to Izzy, furious. “You did two of them?!”

She gaped at the blonde. “No, I only helped him write one.”

Morgan snickered. “He wrote this one on his own, then? This should be good.”

 

 

> “ _He’s cold and he’s cruel and doesn’t know what he’s doing. I pushed him in the pool at our last reunion. We laugh at our dreams, but I dream about his laughter. Strange as it seems, he’s the one I’m after._
> 
> “ _‘Cause he’s bittersweet, he knocks me off my feet. I can’t help myself, I don’t see anyone else. He’s a mystery, he’s too much for me, but I keep coming back for more. He’s just the one I’m lookin’ for. Just the one I’m lookin’ for._
> 
> “ _He can’t keep a secret for more than an hour and runs on 100 proof attitude power. And the more he ignores me the more I’m sure it’s him. What can I do? I’d do anything for him._
> 
> “ _‘Cause he’s bittersweet, he knocks me off my feet. I can’t help myself, I don’t see anyone else. He’s a mystery, he’s too much for me, but I keep coming back for more. He’s just the one I’m lookin’ for._
> 
> “ _The way he sees it’s me on his caller ID. Still won’t pick up the phone, he’d rather be alone. But I can’t give up just yet ‘cause every word he’s ever said keeps ringing in my head. They’re still ringing in my head. He’s cold and he’s cruel and doesn’t know what he’s doing. But still knows what to say so my whole day is ruined._
> 
> “ _‘Cause he’s bittersweet, he knocks me off my feet. I can’t help myself, I don’t want anyone else. He’s a mystery, he’s too much for me, but I keep coming back for more. ‘Cause he’s bittersweet, he knocks me off my feet. I can’t help myself, I don’t want anyone else. He’s a mystery, he’s too much for me, but I keep coming back for more. Oh, I keep coming back for more. He’s just the one I’m looking for. I’m lookin’ for! I’m lookin’ for! I’m lookin’ for!_
> 
> “ _He’s just the girl I’m lookin’ for._ ”

 

Izzy watched as Merlin leapt out of his seat and was instantly at Arthur’s side. Arthur frowned at him. “ _Mer_ —”

The entire pub burst into whoops and cheers as Arthur’s signature ‘ _Mer_ lin’ was but off by the dark haired man’s lips pressing roughly against his. Izzy, Gwen, Gavin, and Morgan’s shouts were amongst the loudest that drowned out Arthur’s words to the other man as their lips parted, but Izzy knew exactly what he had said.

“You’re such a girl, Merlin.”

**Author's Note:**

> I do have a list of all of the songs Merlin sang and the changed lyrics. ~~Might post them separately at some point~~ I will be posting one song a day starting today :)


End file.
